Truth hurts

If the truth hurts, then why do people always tell it?

Chicken legs

How come nobody makes fun of chicken legs on chickens but they do on people?

Lawyer's son

Do lawyer's sons ever get sued?

Marriage vows

Why are marriage vows taken if hardly anyone ever follows them?

Robots

If all people become robots one day, who will control us if we are all robots?

Making babies

Nobody can make a baby. The body does all the work.

Making things smooth

If people can make things smooth in life, how come my roads are bumpy?

Lunchboxes

Why are lunchboxes gone? You save money on bags.

Horsing around

If people horse around then what do horses do?

Bedtime attire

Why do people worry about what they will wear at bedtime? Who is going to see them?

A bad cough

You HAVE to have a bad cough. Nobody ever has a good cough.

Good ones taken

Why are people so surprised that all the good ones are always taken? Who wants the bad ones?

Demanding dogs

Dogs are more demanding than people but yet people put up with them. But if that dog was a person, they would tell them to leave the house.

Hard pretzels

Why do people buy hard pretzels when you risk breaking your teeth biting into them?

Snoring

How do people who snore sleep with all the noise they make?

No diet or exercise

How come some people who never diet or exercise live until their 90s?

Tooth fairy

Is the tooth fairy a guy or a girl?

Toaster ovens

Nobody still knows what a toaster oven really does. Do you make toast in a toaster oven or is it an oven?

Car horns

How come car horns never break but everything else on a car does?

Rushed to the hospital

Why do people say rushed to the hospital? Nobody ever goes slow to a hospital when it is an emergency.

Joke of the year

Why is there a joke of the day but not a joke of the year?

Motherland

How come a homeland is always called a motherland and not a fatherland?

Cat weirdness

How come some cats are just as weird as people are?

Senility prayer

How can you say a senility prayer if you are senile?

Basement living

Why do people feel ashamed to say they live in the basement? It is nice and quiet down there.

Balcony view

People always say the balcony has the best views for shows. So why do people rush to get front row seats then instead?

Bald and hats

How come people who are bald don't wear hats?

Foot in mouth

How can someone put their foot in mouth?

Thinking of nothing

How can you think about nothing? You have to still be thinking. The brain doesn't stop.

Baby pictures

Why do people show baby pictures? They all look exactly the same.

Hot sauce

Why do people burn their mouth with hot sauce?

Run faster

Why do people say "hurry up" in a race? If I could run faster, don't you think I would?

No hospital parking spots

Why is there never any hospital parking spots? Why not make the parking lots bigger?

Cheap grocery bags

Why are grocery bags so cheap even though the groceries are heavy?

Kind history

How can history be kind? How many wars were there in the world already?

Banks in business

How come the banks always stay in business if people have no money today?

Bad devil

Doesn't the devil get tired of making people do bad things 24 hours a day for thousands of years?

Pearly gates

How is it that there are pearly gates in heaven when there is no physical matter?

Alien's hair

How come in no pictures of aliens do they have any hair on their heads?

Red turning lights

Why do traffic lights always turn red when your car gets near a few hundred feet of them?

Small remote buttons

How come they don't make the remote buttons bigger so you can see them?

Crime doesn't pay

If crime doesn't pay, how come some people do it?

Thousands of laws

If the human race is more civil than animals, than why do we need thousands of laws?

Joking font

Why isn't there a font online to use if you want to write a joking sentence?

Sun power

Why does the Sun make your hair lighter but skin darker?

Health books

If health books work, whey do they keep making new ones all the time?

Pizza boxes

Why is a pizza box square and the pie is round?

Rich people and millions

Why do people keep making more millions after you have enough to live? Do they take the money to heaven?

Obituaries

How come in the obituaries they never tell you how the person died?

Famous people clothes

How come a lot of famous people dress crazy?

Curfews

How come people have curfews but animals don't?

Magic shows

If there is no magic, how can their be magic shows?

Medical miracles

The only medical miracle is if all diseases are cured.

Travelling salesman

What salesman does not travel?

Booty call?

How can a booty call anyone?

Laptop

Why is a laptop called a laptop when nobody keeps it on their lap?

Dog days

Dog days mean bad days for us, but what if the dog is having a good day?

Talking animals

If some animals really talked, wouldn't it be world news?

Birds of paradise

How can there be birds of paradise when there is no paradise?

Holy cow!

Cows do not believe in any religion, so how can they be holy?

Holy moley

What exactly is moley?

Natural beauty

How can someone be a natural beauty when everyone looks the same?

Pretty smart

Does pretty smart mean you are good looking and smart?

Priceless

If something is priceless, does that mean you can get it for free?

Popular pizza

If pizza is one of the most popular foods, how come many fast food places do not sell it?

Twins

If someone dislikes one twin, do they have to dislike them both?

No longer a kid

At what age are you no longer a kid? The human body does not tell us what it thinks.

New shoppers

Everyone has went to a store before, there is no such thing as a new shopper.

Nervous witness

What person is not nervous on a witness stand?

Never sick

How can someone never be sick? We can't live forever.

Nasty virus

What virus is not nasty?

Age differences

How can there be an age difference in anyone? The body doesn't know how long it has been here.

Larger size clothes

With so many larger size clothes available at stores rather than smaller sizes, does that mean we should all gain weight?

The nicest people are actors

How will you know for sure if they are actors?

Adult toys

If a lot of adults buy toys, how come they are all marketed to kids?

Hard childbirth

If childbirth is hard, how come nobody finds a way to make it easier?

Fast good food

Why is fast food not good food? What would happen if it actually was good food?

Bartenders

If bartenders listen to other peoples problems, then who does the bartender tell his problems to?

Alcohol

Why do people drink anything with alcohol in it when alcohol taste alwful?

War and peace

How come war and peace are always mentioned together when they are total opposites?

Crooks

If everyone is a crook, then who do you trust?

Ziti sauce

If there is a spaghetti sauce, is there also a ziti sauce?

Holes in socks

If socks always get holes in the heels, why don't they make them that way to start with?

Rescued

What happens if a person being rescued didn't want to be rescued? Is the person still called a hero for saving them?

Animal trainer

How can someone be a professional animal trainer and train animals when we are animals also?

Neighbors

If nobody likes neighbors, why does everyone live next to them?

Bad luck

How can some people have good luck and not bad? We ALL have bad luck. We won't be alive one day.

Awards

If you win an award on a show one year and lose the next year, does that mean you are now terrible?

Copyright

Why is copyright so hard to understand? Just don't copy what is not yours.

Birthday old

Why do people celebrate birthdays when they are one year closer to death?

Dangerous world

If a zoo is dangerous, than what is the outside world called?

Going to heaven

Why do people worry about going to heaven if they will be dead?

Library still around?

How can the library still be around when the Internet is out all these years?

Longevity

How can anyone have longevity when we all die?

Medical advice

If you are given medical ADVICE, does that mean it is just a guess?

Subliminal ads

If subliminal ads work, how come everyone is doing what we don't want them to do?

Space race

What really is the space race? We are all racing towards getting to empty space.

Tax forms

If taxes are so hard to fill out, how come they don't just make one form instead?

First love

Why do so many want to find first love when they don't know what it is like?

Reincarnation

If reincarnation is true and we lived before, how come in this life we have to learn how to do everything?

Toilet seats

If women like the toilet seat down and the men up, how come they don't make two different toilets in each house?

Heavy toilet seats

Why are toilet seats made so heavy to lift up if you use them all the time?

Swiss cheese

Who put the holes in swiss cheese? They must be good, they are perfect circles.

Stop signs and lights

If many people don't stop at stop signs, how come they don't put in lights?

$7 haircuts

Why are there $7 haircuts? Are they not as trained as the $40 haircuts?

Baby weight

If some babies are born overweight, how come they are not on a diet?

Late people

How come people who are always late just don't leave earlier?

Cruises

If crusies are so good, how come the airlines are not out of business yet?

Cafeteria food

If cafeteria food is so good, then how come it is not sold as fast food?

Smart computers

If computers are smarter than us, how come they never correct us?

Bury crap

How come cats always bury their crap but some people don't flush the toilet?

Famous people booking

How come when famous people are on one show in the morning, they are also on others? How do they get booked the same day on different shows?

Perfume

Does the fact that perfume sells so well mean most of us stink?

Life is a coin toss

If life is like a coin toss, 50-50, then how come most people lose?

Clarify

If everything in life was easy to understand, why is there the word clarify?

Ranked golf caddies

If golfers are ranked, how come caddies are not?

More millions

Why do millionaires want to keep earning more millions? You only live so long in life, what is the money for?

Insane people

How does someone that is insane know they are insane if they are insane?

Unhappy later on

Why does everyone rush to get married and are then just unhappy later on?

Not knowing CPR

If CPR takes only a few minutes to learn, than how come nobody knows how to do it?

Healthy fast food

Why do they sell such unhealthy fast food? Wouldn't you make more money if sold fast food that increases your health rather than destroy it?

Weather forecast standing

How come the weathermen on TV always give the weather forecast standing up instead of sitting down?

Crazy fame

How come all children who become famous go crazy later on?

Acting

If acting is a rare talent, than how come children can do it?

Never win lottery

How come the odds are so high in the lottery but yet someone always wins; but you never do?

Smart presidents

If people say a certain president is smarter than another, how come we don't give them IQ test so we can all find out for sure?

Most qualified?

How can the president be the most qualified in the country when he can never solve any problems?

Bald haircuts

How come when someone on TV has a bald haircut, everyone else on TV decides to do the same thing?

Smart body

If the human body is so advanced and smart, how come it ages like crazy?

Small planes

Why do they make planes so small inside where you sit? Wouldn't people like to fly more if they were more roomy?

Don't fight cancer?

The human body likes to heal wounds, but yet it won't attack cancer which can kill.

Good news

How come they never show good news stories on TV?

Rushing the news story

Why do they rush the news when wrong information is usually given out when a story first breaks?

Beach is free

Why do people build a pool in their backyard when you can go to the beach for free?

Change life

If change is good, then how come nobody ever changes?

Multiple diets

How come you always have a new diet that is out? Why not just make one diet that works so everyone can follow it?

Strength to walk

How can some not have the strength to walk as a form of exercise when everyone already walks every day?

Complain about taxes

Why do some people complain about taxes when we would have almost nothing without them?

Planets in space

If our planet and others were not in space, where would they be?

Expensive boots

Why do some people spend money on expensive boots when it hardly snows in the area where they live?

Cartoons for all

How can cartoons be for children only when adults make them?

Neat garbage

Why do some people fix their garbage and garbage cans neat if it is only garbage?

No garbage can covers

Why do some people put their garbage cans out with no covers? Won't the garbage fly away?

Learn answering machines

Why are answering machines still hard to use after all of these years?

On the answering machine

Why do people get mad when you let a phone call go on the answering machine? Isn't that the purpose of an answering machine?

Car sales pitches

If used cars are such a good bargain, then why is the sales pitch so high all the time?

Tennis ball boys/girls

How come tennis ball boys/girls don't get paid a lot of money? You would have no tennis match without them.

Good luck?

Why do some people say good luck to their opponent before a sporting match or a game? Don't they want to win?

Aged reunions

How can a reunion be a happy thing many years later when everyone is so much older?

Small names on maps

Why are the names on the street maps index so small and hard to read? Why don't they make them bigger?

CEO paychecks

Why do CEO's of a business get the biggest paycheck when the workers do most of the work?

Dark color clothing

Why do some people wear dark color clothing like black all the time? Aren't dark clothes for funerals?

Sure afterlife

If some people are sure of a great afterlife in a wonderful place, then how come they want to live here as long as possible to an old age?

Talking spirits

If some psychics can talk to the dead, how come they have to ask the living family members questions about their dead loved one?

Psychic lottery

If psychics can tell the future, how come they can't win the lottery?

Afterlife?

If there is an afterlife, then how come none of the billions of dead people ever visit us here?

Horse racing online but no poker

Why is horse racing betting allowed online but not poker, if poker is more popular than horse racing?

No luck poker

If poker is not a game of skill and just luck, then how come some people never win at it and some win all the time?

Junk mail

Why is junk mail increasing when nobody likes junk mail and just throws it out? Isn't it a waste of money to send the mail to people?

Rude people online

Why are people shocked when people are rude online? It is just like in real life.

Select your own seat

How come you can't select your own seat when you eat in a restaurant when you are the one paying for the meal?

Water at restaurants

Why do they serve water at restaurants before a meal when nobody drinks it?

Barbecue food in restaurants

If barbecue food is so good, how come it isn't served in restaurants?

Safe bikes

If safety on bikes keeps improving, how come they don't make them the safest to begin with?

Women better looking

How can women be better looking than men when they have to wear makeup to look good?

Women TV tans

Why are women on TV always tan but the men never are?

Doctors always right

Why do doctors think they are right all the time when nobody is perfect?

Paid to talk

Why are talk show hosts paid millions a year just for talking when anyone can talk?

Female Einstein

If men and women are equal in IQ, then how come there is no female Einstein yet?

No politicians

If politicans are no good, then how come people who are not politicians never run?

College and work

How can you play off your student loan by working while you are in college if you are studying all day?

Jail for life

If putting someone in jail for life would solve the problem of repeat offenders, then how come nobody does it?

Age of consent

Why is the age of consent different in all states? Are people more mature in certain states than others?

Different speeding limits

Why are speeding limits different in all states? Are drivers better in certain states than others?

Older generations

If people were not as smart hundreds and thousands of years ago, how come we are still here then?

Late repairmen

Why would a repairman get mad if they come to the house late and you complain? Do they expect the customer to be happy they waited home for nothing?

End of world

Why does the world have to end? What if it goes on forever?

Life in space

Why do people dismiss alien life on other planets when there are billions and billions of planets in the Universe?

The pet is the baby

Why not just get a baby if you treat a pet like a baby?